I DO... not agree.

So lately something's really really been bothering me... and its all revolving around relationships. Those who know me, know how much I suck at relationships. Quick love, quicker breakups, deep regret... that's pretty much it in a nutshell. But whenever the term of marriage comes up, and I state how I disagree, it seems like everyone is rushing to try to convince me out of it or tell me how stupid my mentality is. Personally, I just can not wrap my head around the fact that two people can spend their entire lifetimes together, without wondering what if. I feel like there's always someone better out there that has people wondering how it would be if they weren't in a relationship.

Now I know all of us know at least 2 people who are in relationships & yet cheat... & I thank them for proving my point. But I'm also aware of the fact that there are those RARE couples who stay together from Jesus' crucifixion until present day, & I sincerely applaud those people. But I feel like it's in my DNA for marriage to just not work for me: my great grandmother, my grandmother, my mother: each and every one divorced, but remained with their second husbands. Which basically makes me lose hope. Now, 99.99999% of people I tell this to say "Serenah, that's just them, you're not them. You never know bla bla BLA". But I'm still gonna be a stubborn little trick idc ! :)

Basically, I'm the type of girl that will love you today, and be bored of you the next... & it's something I just cannot control. Unfortunately, Virgos are perfectionists, so of course , I only expect perfection...which obviously does not exist. I just always seem to find something wrong, i over-analyze, over-criticize, focus on itty bitty nonsensical bulllshit. So all of this has led me to the resolution that maybe I should try an open relationship.

I feel like maybe it will be the an eye opening experience. Maybe I'll love it, then again maybe I won't, but I feel like it makes soo much more sense to me. Cuz here's a scenario: Lets say you meet Fulanita(o), and you fall head over heels for this person, but then 6 months later, you meet Juana ( or Pablo whichevers your preference) and this person just steals your heart. Now you know deep down you love Fulanita(o) to death, but you cant control how you feel around this new person, so you begin to wonder what if, and you're 100% sure that this newbie likes you back. So here are your options, you can A) distance yourself from this person (which is impossible since you see them on the regular, and it's kind of like temptation island, AND you love the feeling) B) breakup with boyfriend #1 for boyfriend #2, or c) cheat.

So let's go through the options. Let's say you pick A. Hypothetically speaking, your pretty much killing on the inside, you're FEENING for this person, and the further away from them you are, the more you just want to be with them. So you try to stay away, but this person is all you think about...see the problem?
Moving on, let's say you pick B, you breakup and begin dating this new person. You're together for ehh 4 to 6 months, and now this persons true colors are coming out, you're finding more about this person that you realize you just don't like. You're out of the "dating phase" where everyone is so eager to impress the other, and now you're in the "ehh I've got you" phase, where you feel comfortable enough to be yourselves. But you're seeing a side of them that you never knew existed, you're realizing they don't even like the things you like to do, and you begin to compare and realize how much better your ex was. Now you're fucked and alone.
On to opcion C, you cheat. Now you're conscious is killing you (unless you're dominican that is). The point of the matter is, the truth WILL surface.

But let's take this scenario & see how it goes if you were in an open relationship. You & your "lover" wrote down the rules & limits for when it comes to seeing other people, so you know what to do and what not to do. You explain to him/her that you're interested in so & so, and obviously there's not much they can say. So now you have both, and each has a way to make you happy. Now let's say you date this spouse B for those couple months, and you begin to compare as I stated above, and you're realizing how much you truly love your first partner ( or your booty call, whatev, but we'll stick with the first statement for now). I think this will make you much closer to your significant other, you started losing the fire, so you dated sum1 knew, and this person made you realize your love for you first, and it kind of comes complete circle cuz you're grateful for that person you had all along.

Now of course it could completely backfire, and you could fall in love with this second person and just ded the first, but were hoping that doesn't happen (if you're the one who gets to choose of course). There's so many other circumstances, and scenarios & factors that can come into play, but I feel like when someone is in a monogamous relationship, they're constantly just wondering what if at some point if not several. I don't doubt they genuinely love their spouse, but there has to be those days when it would be nice to start over again... with someone new.

I've also heard several people's perspectives on what they believe open relationships are about. One is that it is for hoes, who just want to fuck a bunch of people and allow it to be okay. I'm sure there are relationships like that, which could be confused with swingers, but not all of them are like that. Some people seek others for emotional attachment that their spouse may not be giving them (hmm...like escorts? lol), some seek spiritual connections, and of course there are those that solely want sex. It ranges.

Then I've heard it be described as only for those who are truly mature. For those who understand what relationships are all about, and can understand that there are times when you need a break, and yet someone whose still there at the end of the day...etc,etc.

Personally, this may sound weird, but I believe it is for the insecure (now you know why I believe in it). For those who don't believe they have what it takes to KEEP someone for 10 , 20, 30 years. For those who want to see what it's like to be with someone who understands the circumstances and is open to seeing things outside of the box.

I feel like this whole blog is a huge contradiction, lol. At times I wonder why I think such things when I tend to have a jealous mentality. But I think I would prefer to know, then for my spouse to go behind my back & cheat. And I feel like in an open relationship it's not cheating, because cheating entitles doing something you're not supposed to do, but in open relationships that's pretty much what's accepted.

I also need people to understand that I don't plan on getting into a relationship with one person and immediately look for another. I intend to look elsewhere when the love begins to die out, when it's constant argument, when we NEED a break, in hopes of resparking the flame, not in hopes of becoming Ms. STD 2009. I'm sure there are other methods of keeping people around, but I'm very interested in this whole open relationships business...

I'm kind of on a huge trail of thought, and I'm very much open for discussion if anyone would like to give me their opinion on the subject. But I think that's what I'll try for now or at least consider...ehh I don't know. Gotta find someone first...right?