A Bunch of Nothing.

I've been up & down an emotional rollercoaster for almost a year now because it seems sooo difficult for me to accept change.I don't understand how people can be the best of friends, & the next its all hush hush don't tell anyone we're friends or we hangout.

What I'm referring to is how much people change once they're "in love". How now there's restrictions on the friendship, how you need 2 wonder whether or not its a good time to hit up your friend hoping that you're not interrupting anything. It's weird, because for example, my high school sweety (which is a girl lol) used to date a guy, and I didn't like him for reasons I can't remember, but I never felt like there wasn't a day where I couldn't hit her up, & I just wished that all of my friends were like that.

Then I have friends who've been like brothers to me, & all of a sudden their girlfriends get jealous when we hangout. I (stupidly) assume that once drama starts, my guy friends would easily choose me over their dramatic girlfriends, because for one, they've known me longer & basically I'm more permanent than any girlfriend (or so I thought). But of course, I made an ass of myself with these assumptions.

I'm the type of person, that if we're cool and really close, and a new person steps into the picture & for whatever reason chooses to not like my close friend and makes me have to decide, to me that's an easy decision. I would never put a boyfriend over a bestfriend in the sense that it puts my friendships in jeopardy. If he doesn't like one of my best friends, than that's HIS problem. I don't care how "in love" or obsessed I am about a guy, I hope that I never reach the day in which I allow a man to becomes the possessive controlling type that wants to shape out who I hang out with. I have the friends I have for a reason, & I could honestly care less what someone else thinks.

I've had people tell me I don't know what I would do unless I was in the situation, because I've never been in love, but the point of the matter is that either way, I always have to remember whose been there for me. If my significant other has LEGIT reasoning as to why he thinks I shouldn't be friends with someone, then maybe I'll take that into consideration, but I would never isolate myself 100% from my loved ones.

In reality, I know I'm the very jealous type, but I am not the person that vocalizes these thoughts. When I realize that another person has decided to come into the picture with another friend, I get upset, but I realize I automatically prepare myself to become second best. That whole transition for me is unbelievably hard. I guess it's just something I'm going to have to accept & come to terms with, one way or another.

On a brighter note! I only have 2 more days of work :D & then I get to enjoy summer, unless I get punished :x AY CARAMBA!